DIABETES and FORGIVENESS Part 2

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: What do you do when you forgive someone?

I’ve had many comments and questions about my blog last week about forgiveness that I thought it would be helpful to go a bit more in depth on how to forgive. Remember, it’s a process. It takes time and regardless of what happened, you have to want to let go of the anger and resentment.

Wanting to let go of the anger and resentment is essential since you need a compelling reason why you want to forgive. Without a compelling reason you can act like you’ve forgiven but it just isn’t believable. If your brain doesn’t have a reason, it won’t forgive.

I know…I had a sister-in-law that I needed to forgive. Perhaps it’s your mother-in-law, your neighbor, or best friend…whoever it is – believe me…you need a reason to forgive. You need to visual a result you want that is better than anger and resentment.

For me it was to show my children and family that unconditional love trumps all. It was a way for me to let go and show love. It felt amazing. The reason it felt amazing was that I had been coached on it and had no expectation that her behavior would change just because I forgave. We don’t get to decide what the other person will do. We can only control how WE think, feel, and act.

Actions are driven by our feelings, so you will need to explore what feeling will drive the action you want. It is important to understand that the feeling will be the driver of the forgiveness. We all do things in our life because of a feeling we want or a feeling we don’t want. Are you driven by feeling anger and resentment or are you driven by love and understanding?

It’s your choice. YEP…our feelings are optional. It’s not easy to choose love, but it is totally worth it. If you choose to forgive from a place of understanding and from a place of being free, it’s empowering. You get to choose love, regardless of the situation.

Often clients think that forgiving and choosing love means that you are supporting and condoning what happened. That isn’t the case. Choosing love is about your ability to love. Loving someone unconditionally doesn’t say anything about the other person’s ability to love.

If someone doesn’t love you, it is only a reflection of their inability to love, not your inability to be loved.

You can only control your response to what happened and what is powerful is that love is always available. You may not be ready to choose love. You get to choose that. You get to choose when you’re ready to let go of the anger and resentment, but know it’s always available.

Visualizing the result you want…perhaps it’s peace in your life, perhaps it’s feeling love, perhaps it’s freedom from negativity…whatever the reason, choose the result you want, embrace it and work on what action you need to do to get that result.

I choose unconditional love. I choose to continue giving hugs, to continue inviting, to continue to think kind things…that felt good for me. Not initially…it was a process. It feels good to now have those feelings.

Understand that if someone is rude or ignorant about your child’s diabetes you can still choose love and understanding. Remember it’s always an option. You get to choose!

Want help forgiving that person and letting go of the anger and resentment. Join me for a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click HERE and go to BOOK NOW to access my schedule or email me here to let me know what day and time works for you. Are you ready to see what you are capable of?

DIABETES and FORGIVENESS

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Do you feel anger or resentment on a daily basis?

Anger and resentment surely don’t make us happy regardless of how justified we think they are. So how do we not feel that way? Forgiveness? What is forgiveness, anyhow? Forgiveness is a verb that means to stop feeling angry or resentment toward someone for an offense, flaw, or a mistake. The only thing forgiveness requires is that you stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone.

The truth is you only need to forgive someone when you want to stop feeling angry or resentful. Sounds easy, right? No it’s not.

Most people do not forgive other people because they WANT to feel angry and resentful. A lot of people think that when they feel angry and resentful towards someone, the other person somehow experiences it. It’s not true.

The other person does NOT experience your emotion. They only experience their own interpretation of your behavior. The only thing required of you to forgive someone is to change how you feel. If you think not forgiving someone is somehow serving you, and hurting THEM, you have it absolutely backwards.

Why do you feel anger? Why do you feel resentment? The reason you feel anything is because of how you think. Your thoughts create your feelings. The circumstances of your life cannot touch your feelings because they are protected by your thoughts.

Whatever it is that the person did or did not do is a circumstance. It is totally neutral. It’s only your thought about that thing that makes it negative (or positive). That’s why you feel angry or resentful. It’s because of the thought you have about it.

Most of us (me included) take our circumstances and think horrible thoughts that create horrible feelings, instead of taking circumstances and thinking thoughts that serve us. Being angry and resentful seems righteous. It seems we have a right to feel that way because of what happened. Remember that you cannot make another person feel an emotion, so you are the only one generating that feeling of anger or resentment.

Most of the time letting go of the anger and resentment will set you free. It will allow you to grow. So how do you stop feeling anger and resentment? You change your thoughts about the situation because thoughts always create your feelings…no exception.

That person does not have to do anything for you to feel better, or for you to forgive them. You have the total power to feel better, to forgive.

Forgiveness is about how your feel, not about how you behave. This is a huge difference. It doesn’t matter how kind you are. It doesn’t matter if you’ve told them that you forgive them. That is not forgiveness. You know you’ve forgiven someone based on the way you FEEL.

As I’ve learned about forgiveness and applied it to the people in my life, I’ve also been able to forgive myself for everything that I was loathing myself for. When you can forgive yourself for being yourself, you can stop feeling guilty. You can stop feeling anger toward yourself. You can stop feeling resentment toward yourself.

Are you willing to consider a life where there’s never a need to forgive? It doesn’t mean that you don’t put up boundaries. All it means is you give up being angry and resentful. That’s the gift you can give yourself.

I can help you forgive that person and help you let go of the anger and resentment. Join me for a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click HERE and go to BOOK NOW to access my schedule or email me here to let me know what day and time works for you. Are you ready to see what you are capable of?

DIABETES and that Perpetual Cycle

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Have you fallen into a cycle of feeling bad about yourself?

A perpetual cycle of negative thoughts and emotions can be classified as self-loathing. An easy way to diagnose self-loathing in yourself is to notice your thoughts when you look in the mirror or at a photo of yourself.

A consistent barrage of negative thoughts causing feelings of inadequacy or shame might indicate self-loathing.

Years ago every time I took a blood sugar and the number wasn’t in range I would feel like a mom who just couldn’t keep it all under control. A mom who was responsible for everything when it came to diabetes. If something outside my control (and diabetes has so many variables that control numbers) took blood sugar numbers too high or too low I would blame myself. The pressure was stressful and did not serve me.

Now every time I look at a blood sugar number I look at it as feedback. It’s just a number and I get to choose what it means about me. It means I’m a good mom doing my best.

Increase your awareness by noticing how you think about yourself in various situations. When you’re in a relationship, when you’re at work, when you’re hanging with friends, what is your opinion about yourself?

Your opinion of yourself will determine how you feel and what you do, which will either increase or decrease the evidence you’re using to justify judging and blaming yourself.

A lot of time, when we think there’s something wrong with us, we think that’s just an observation. We think that we aren’t a good mom because the A1C value is not what we want. Guess what the A1C value is just a number, it’s positive or negative depending on what we think. It’s an optional thought.

Can you come up with 12 things you appreciate about yourself? The harder this is, the more important it is to try. It can feel like a struggle at first, but remember this: you get good at what you practice.

If it’s hard to come up with 12 it just means you need more practice. At first, you may come up with just 5 things, then maybe 7. Each time you will get a few more than the last time. Keep practicing. You will get better at it.

Decide on purpose what you want to think when you think about you.

Remember practice makes you better at whatever you practice. If you practice saying negative things to yourself you will get better at that. If you practice being kind to yourself, you will get better at that.

Practice appreciating yourself. It’s the opposite of judging yourself. Try a little self-gratitude.

I can help you release the self-judgment, the anxiety over blood sugar numbers. If you want to stop allowing blood sugar numbers to dictate your day join me for a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click HERE and go to BOOK NOW to access my schedule or email me here to let me know what day and time works for you. Are you ready to see what you are capable of?

DIABETES and Success vs. Happiness

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Are you striving for the happiness that comes after diabetes is under control, or after there’s a “cure”?

If so, you may be striving for a long time because…Guess what?

You are basing happiness on something outside yourself. You are chasing happiness.

Why not choose happiness now, no matter what? Why do you have to attain something to be happy? Perhaps if you were to choose to be happy now you would allow more space in your life to be successful.

What do I mean by that?

How do you define happiness for yourself? How do you define success?

Google states that success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose, an attainment of popularity or profit, a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.”

Happiness is defined as a “feeling of contentment, delight or being pleased.”

If success is the accomplishment of an aim, then be sure your aim is specific. If it’s vague and you don’t have clear definition of success it will be very difficult to obtain. If it’s a A1C number then remember when you get to that number happiness just doesn’t arrive. Since success isn’t interchangeable with happiness.

Many of my clients are successful but not happy. Their children have the A1C they’ve worked hard to get. Why aren’t they happy? They postponed the feeling happiness until they reached an A1C then realized that happiness is just caused by a thought. They still didn’t have a good thought about diabetes regardless of their A1C.

I’m hoping you realized that you don’t have to postpone feeling happiness until you are “successful” or reach a certain A1C.

It’s so not necessary.

Try success and happiness, side by side. Or happiness first, but never the other way around. Never success first happiness second.

I can help you find happiness that doesn’t depend on an A1C value. Join me for a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click HERE and go to BOOK NOW to access my schedule or email me here to let me know what day and time works for you. Are you ready to see what you are capable of?

DIABETES and Productivity

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Do you feel productive in your life?

What is productivity, anyhow? The definition says it’s measured in terms of rate of output per unit. So even though that sounds like a manufacturing term, I think it relates to anything you are trying to produce in your life. This applies to us moms who have a child with diabetes.

Productivity does not refer to how much or how hard you work. It doesn’t refer to how busy you are, and it doesn’t refer to how stressed you are. All of that is irrelevant. So if your goal is to have some extra time, you’ll need to get more work done in less time to do that…and in order to do that you are going to have to manage your mind.

It doesn’t mean you need more hours in a day – that’s just not possible. What is possible is that you manage your mind so you have a clear vision of why you want that extra time, of why you want to be more efficient. You will never be more efficient without a reason why.

Producing results in your life creates more motivation, momentum, and energy and might I might add more time (if that’s possible). If all you are doing is putting tons of effort, stress, and busy time in and you’re not being productive, that effort and energy will wear you down and make you tired.

We only do things in our life because of the emotion we want to feel. The best emotions to generate (yes, we can generate emotions) in order to be productive are efficient, focused, and clear. Feeling clear initially does not mean your to-do-list is clear – it means the goal is perfectly clear. Most wasted effort comes from allowing yourself to indulge in worry and confusion about what your goal is.

With your goal clear here are the action steps to make productivity easier.

  1. Plan before you take action. Starting faster doesn’t get it done faster if you don’t have a plan.
  2. Give yourself a time limit. You cannot produce at a high level if you want to be a perfectionist. Allow for B- work.
  3. Clean up your thinking. Take five to ten minutes at the beginning of each day to clean up your negative thinking about what you’re going to produce.

When you follow this process, plan ahead of time, give yourself a time limit, stop indulging in perfectionism, and clean up your thinking first, your productivity will soar.

Step back and take a look at your own productivity and figure out what it is you want to produce. I wanted to produce a refined plan for ordering diabetic supplies. I researched ways to reorder online, ways to set up alerts for when I need to confirm orders (we all know how important it is to get insulin on time).

When you decide what you want to produce – remember that it doesn’t have to be some big, huge thing in the world. It can just be, “I want to spend 30 minutes a week reading (yes, a week)” or “I want to write in my journal once a week” – it’s doesn’t have to be “I want to organize my whole house” or anything like that.

What is it that you want to produce in your life? Produce as much as you can in a way that fuels you instead of wearing you out. A diagnosis of diabetes doesn’t have to wear you out. You want to switch from consuming all the time, which will wear you out, to producing.

Want help producing, from a planned and energized state, instead of from a pressured, last-minute state? Join me for a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click HERE and go to BOOK NOW to access my schedule or email me here to let me know what day and time works for you. Are you ready to see what you are capable of?