DIABETES and ANTI-FRAGILITY

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Have you used your child’s diabetes diagnosis to build your strength as a mom?

Anti-fragility is one of those hot topics right now. I’ve heard it mentioned in three different podcasts this week.  It’s the ability to become stronger from a difficult situation. It’s taking a diagnosis of diabetes and allowing it to make you fierce, strong, better.

It’s not just becoming resilient. It’s better than that. It’s not just being accepting of the diagnosis. It’s utilizing the diagnosis as an opportunity to make your stronger. Wait…is that even an option? Can we be empowered by something that changes your life so drastically?

The answer is….YES!  There are three different responses to the diagnosis of diabetes. The first is one of being fragile. It is one that you allow diabetes to take control over your life. It’s one that leaves you with the feeling of being easily broken and wanting to avoid any new risks. The second one is of being robust.  It’s standing up to diabetes. It’s using power to resist the diagnosis and stand tall despite the diagnosis. The third one is to be anti-fragile (the new term is anti-fragility). 

Anti-fragile is to utilize the diagnosis of diabetes to grow stronger – not in spite of the diagnosis but because of the diagnosis. Being anti-fragile allows you to get good at overcoming obstacles, problem solving, and strengthening yourself.

Anti-fragile should not be confused with lacking compassion or not caring about diabetes. It’s the opposite. It’s allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions that come from a diagnosis of diabetes. It’s being open to all of it because you can handle it.

What if the diagnosis of diabetes is an opportunity to strengthen you in a way that would never have happened without the diagnosis? What if you approached every day from a place of curiosity and strength?

Perhaps you are like I was. I let the challenges of diabetes overcome me. I told myself I was too tired. I told myself that diabetes was just too hard. I used diabetes as a reason to be a victim – as a reason to be fragile – and I believed that was my only choice.

Then I began coaching myself. I taught myself some very important tools. I started to utilized my struggle with diabetes as a way to be a better mom, as a way to empower my son to be unstoppable, as a way to propel our lives forward.

Believing you have options on how your show up and on how you think about diabetes is the first step to moving from being fragile. Moving from fragile will mean understanding you will not break, you will not be defeated, you will not be broken. It will allow you to build strength. Moving out of fragility will be uncomfortable since you will take full responsibility of your life and no longer be a victim of diabetes.

You can use your child’s diagnosis of diabetes as fuel to fortify yourself, to fortify your child with a skill set that will permit both of you to overcome obstacles in life that you never thought possible.

Continue to challenge yourself and the thoughts you have about diabetes. Continue to utilize those challenges as opportunities to get stronger. Continue to accept all of the blood sugar numbers and the A1C values as feedback to make you the best possible mom ever.

Why not add anti-fragile to a list of characteristics you possess?

I can help you discover your full potential. I can help you discover what you are truly capable of. Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to email me a day and time that works for you!

DIABETES and the Process of CHANGE

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Do you struggle with making positive changes in your life?

It’s human nature to struggle with change…right?  Why do we struggle with change? It’s because our brains like the status quo. Our brains like to keep doing what we are doing. It’s comfortable! Our brains don’t like to be uncomfortable even if it’s for the best. Even if change is good for us.

The process of change involves first thinking about the thing in your life that isn’t working or something that isn’t yet what you want it to be.  For me it was allowing blood sugar numbers to control how I felt. Then write about what’s not working – be specific.

Then ask yourself, “What am I doing that’s creating the result that’s not working?”

Taking responsibility for the results in your life is a really important part of the process of change. I just blamed diabetes – that was the easy thing.  Why change when I could just be a victim of diabetes? I finally realized I wanted more control over of how I felt and no longer wanted to blame diabetes.

I have written about “The Model” in previous blogs.  It’s the basis of taking charge of your life. It’s a way to personal growth and setting goals. It’s changed my life and made the process of change powerful.

The Model is made up of a Circumstance (anything outside of your control – diabetes diagnosis) which leads to a thought (in your control and optional) which triggers a feeling (emotional response to the thought).  The feeling leads us to take action, which gives you the results in your life.

What’s not working is the result you are having. Ask yourself what are you doing to create that result. For me the result of constantly being upset by blood sugar numbers was created by the action that I was obsessed with having blood sugar numbers in range. That was triggered by a feeling and thought that I needed them to be perfect or I was a failure. I was harming my child.

What’s next is to decide what result you want instead. Ask yourself what is the exact action you need to take to get that result. For me the result I wanted was to see a blood sugar that wasn’t in range and not to let that number control my day.  This new result needed to start with thought that blood sugar numbers were just feedback. The feeling to follow was one of being capable. Capable of managing the number I saw. The action then was to find a solution to managing the blood sugar number. The result was exactly what I wanted – to not let the blood sugar number control my day. Instead I felt powerful.

Now you have two complete models. One is where you are, and one is where you want to be. The gap or space between the two Models is called “the river of misery” because the process of change is very uncomfortable.

When you are in the river, you have to pay attention, be deliberate, and be uncomfortable. Your mind will always prefer to think and pattern the most familiar Model. Whichever Model you focus on is the reality you’ll create. Remember to be kind to yourself in the river of misery.

The key to activating the new Model – the new result – is to practice feeling the feeling you need for the new result. For me it was a feeling of being capable.

When you visualize yourself already there in the second Model, you start to feel that new Model. You start to be that new Model, and when that happens, you create the new result. I began visualizing my day. I visualized seeing a blood sugar number out of range, understood that as feedback and took action.  No drama, no allowing it to upset me.

I want to encourage you to mentally rehearse the new Model every single day. Practice the thought. Practice the feeling, the way you want to feel to create that emotion you want to create. For me it was a feeling of being capable, one of letting go of being a victim.

Keep practicing. Keep going forward until your new Model is effortless. Give yourself at least a half an hour a day to think and create your life deliberately. Practice achieving results.

Would you like help changing your thoughts about diabetes? Would you like to create new results in your life? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to email me a time that works for you!

DIABETES and Emotional Manipulation

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: Do you allow others to manipulate your emotions?

What is emotional manipulation, anyway? It’s the attempt to control how someone feels by manipulations what they think and believe. Ultimately, the attempt to control how someone thinks and feels is also an attempt to control how they act because thoughts create feelings and therefore, actions.

When others comment on whether or not our children should have ice cream or candy, when they ask if they are able to play sports, when they make all of those little comments about diabetes, we have the power to accept them as our own or deny them. We have the power to ignore or educate, to act with kindness or anger or respond in any way of our choosing – but we should always be consciously choosing.

We are in charge of whether or not they manipulate our emotions. Others get to say whatever they want. However, we have the power to determine if what they say changes our emotions. Yes we are in charge, ALWAYS. Whether you take conscious control over your response is another question.

It’s essential to understand that no matter what anybody says to you, no matter what thoughts they offer you to think about diabetes, you are 100% in control of whether you believe or take on those thoughts.

Emotional manipulation is misused because it sounds like it’s possible. We are truly not able to manipulate other people’s emotions, and they are not able to manipulate our emotions without our cognitive consent (consciously or unconsciously).

The key is cognitive consent. Many people go through life without fully taking control of what they believe. When someone says something about diabetes and it changes the way you behave this is emotional manipulation. If you are unaware of how the mind works, and you aren’t consciously managing your mind, you will be susceptible to manipulation and much less powerful in your life.

When people are trying to emotionally manipulate you, whether they realize it or not, it helps to understand that they are coming from a place of disempowerment. They are trying to control you so they can feel better, feel more powerful, feel a certain way.

The way you’ll know that you’re “allowing yourself” to be emotionally manipulated is you will probably feel a lot of resentment, blame, and anger.

It’s important, when you start feeling those emotions in your relationships, to look at your role in believing thoughts others are using to try and emotionally manipulate you.

You are responsible for how you think and feel, and no one can emotionally manipulate you without your permission. When you decide on purpose what to believe in any relationship or interaction, it will set you free from giving or receive any emotional manipulation.

Would you like help taking full control over your own emotions and to stop allowing others to manipulate them? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and the Pursuit of Goals

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question is: What fuels your goals?

When you are pursuing goals is the emotional fuel that drives your action to move forward fear, inadequacy, or frustration – or is it curiosity and energy? If your emotional fuel is negative, you will feel exhausted and stressed out. That emotional fuel will wear down and you will get burned out. However, there is another option.

Can you imagine managing of blood sugar numbers from a place that comes from being energized by it? The different between coming from a place of fear or a place of energy is what’s fueling you…and that is controlled by your thinking.

Sounds crazy, right? Your thoughts creating energy and being energized by diabetes, who knew? Well most people don’t. They live in a perpetual state of giving up, mediocrity or a constant state of busyness. You don’t have to be afraid, frustrated and exhausted.

There is another option. That is the option of productivity, creativity, and results. This option generates a life of contribution and satisfaction. This option builds resilience but it generally comes with some discomfort…it comes with personal growth.

When you are in the pursuit of goals there are so many reasons to stop, question everything, and take a break from it all. I get it. Most of us have low tolerance for discomfort. As soon as it gets uncomfortable we give us. I understand diabetes is a lot to manage but you can manage it from a place of abundance, from a place of joy. It’s possible!

Here’s the best news. You can do hard things (manage blood sugar numbers) from a place of joy. You can do hard things from a place of abundance and excitement. It will just take a change of mindset. The status quo won’t get you to new personal goals.

Have a reason for what you are doing and why you are pursuing a goal and when you feel that discomfort you will come from a place of abundance and keep moving forward. Just keep moving forward. So pick your goal, and manage your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions as you achieve it. Manage your thoughts about diabetes, understand your purpose for doing what you’re doing, why you want your goal and then go after it.

Make sure you are being driven by positive emotion, not by fear.

You will feel uncomfortable, you will get frustrated, you will have negative emotion along the way, and you have the ability to manage it all. But make sure you are doing it not from a place of anger or frustration. I can help provide you with the tools to be curious…to be energized by diabetes.

Do it just for the joy of it. Do it because you are curious about your ability to achieve something amazing.

Would you like help fueling your diabetes journey with excitement and curiosity? Want help taking control over the fear that diabetes adds to your life? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and Removing REGRET!

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question: Do you often feel regret when it comes to diabetes?

I used to feel regret about what I should have done. I would feel regret and make it mean something about me. I wouldn’t use it as feedback. I would use it as a way to blame myself.

Regret is a feeling that falls into one of two categories. The emotion regret could fall into an: useful emotions, or indulgent, not useful emotion.

Do you think there’s a way that regret could be useful? I figured out that I could use it to change my life. I understood that regret from blaming myself for something I did or didn’t do that happened in the past (it could be over blood sugar numbers, A1C, or a bolus) was not useful.

When you are constantly focusing on the past and arguing with it, that’s regret.

However, if regret is a quick flash of a moment, “Hey, I could’ve done that differently.” And then you adjust now, that is useful.

You have a choice: You can look back and regret or look forward and create. Which feels more productive to you?

A thought that I find helpful is: “What’s meant to happen does.”

It instantly dissolves the regret.

It removes the arguing about the past.

You won’t win arguing with the past.

What if you looked at an opportunity and decided, “I’m going to do this now, so I don’t feel regret later.”

Not that’s a productive use of regret.

Would you like help using regret in a productive way?  Do you need help with removing regret from you diabetes decisions? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and Post-Traumatic GROWTH!

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question: Can positive growth come from traumatic experiences?

Many clients have a hard time getting past their child’s diagnosis of diabetes. Traumatic stress is a very normal reaction to an extreme experience, but often it’s years later and they are still suffering from that stress. Are you someone who still feels the trauma of diagnosis?

Post-traumatic GROWTH is a positive change that comes from traumatic experiences. It includes dramatic breakthroughs and personal growth.

If you experienced post-traumatic stress, after your child was diagnosed with diabetes, it’s important to recognize that the length of that stress depends on how much you avoid negative emotions after the diagnosis. When you are newly adjusting to diabetes it’s not advisable to take on all the negative emotions, since avoidance can be an important survival mechanism.

However, long-term avoidance is a roadblock to managing your thoughts about the disease and can produce chronic stress.

Once you have become accustomed to managing the diabetes it’s important to experience the emotion of the diagnosis without avoidance – without being a victim, without hating the diagnosis, without blaming diabetes.

Post-traumatic growth, after diagnosis, offers you a possibility of a life that’s better than it was before. No matter what your past or present circumstances, there is always the possibility, the option, for growth.

Trauma can cause real suffering, but how can you use that suffering as the catalyst for growth? You can by transforming the meaning of the tragedy.

Ask yourself: Are you telling a story of diagnosis and defining yourself by that story where you are the victim? Or are you the hero of your story, after having a child diagnosed with diabetes?

The story you tell about diabetes will be the story that you live now. You have the power over how you tell that story, and how you tell that story matters. If you are a victim then you hand all of your power over to diabetes. You give up control over your destiny, over the results you want in your life.

You can decide to stop defining yourself based on you having a child with diabetes. You can create and contribute to the world in a bigger and better way because of diabetes.

Just think of the possibilities that are now available because of diabetes. Think about the optional thoughts you have to tell your life story with diabetes as part of it.

Think of the strength, the growth, the resilience….that you have because of diagnosis. The story you tell yourself about diabetes will be a story that your child picks up. Is your story one that you are proud of…one that you hope your child picks up?

It can be. You can begin today by changing your thoughts about diabetes.

Would you like help in changing your thoughts about the diagnosis of diabetes?  Want help in developing personal growth from the diagnosis? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and Why Change is HARD!

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes!

Today’s Question: Have you ever struggled with change?

Why don’t we embrace change? It’s because change is hard and we don’t want to be uncomfortable. It’s not just the diagnosis of diabetes that’s hard but it’s the thought of a lifetime of change that diabetes brings with it. It’s change of a mindset of wanting to not be angry about the diagnosis.

Being angry is easy. Thinking that diabetes is so awful, just so unfair, is easy. But thinking that diabetes has a purpose is hard. Change is hard but builds our resolve. Change makes you stronger.

You may ask….why should you do hard things? Why should you be uncomfortable when it’s so much “easier” to stay just where you are, thinking exactly what you are thinking now….because setting goals and seeing what you are capable of is empowering. However, I believe that starting change is always the hardest.

It’s always the beginning that’s most difficult – the beginning of embracing a CGM or Looping. It’s hard and it’s uncomfortable.

It’s actively pursuing a better version of yourself that is hard. The word “actively” puts you in change and also means there is work to be done. It’s optional work and that’s the issue. Most people don’t choose to do the work. They don’t choose to be uncomfortable, but for the ones who do there is something exciting about seeing what you are capable of…seeing what your limits are…or if you have limits at all?

So why is this so challenging? Why the struggle? Because you have a primitive brain (a powerhouse between our ears) that continues to tell you to stay safe, not do difficult things, to protect yourself, to not fail.

Your brain loves what’s familiar since that’s what comfortable. It loves instant gratification and there is so much available all day every day. What I’d like to suggest is that you invest in change even though it’s hard. Invest in your potential.

How about going from thinking something is impossible, to thinking about the possibility of it and then knowing it’s inevitable? Think right now that all of the possibilities of your life exist. If you haven’t ever examined the possibilities of your life then I’m asking you take time to do that. What is possible for your life?

What is possible with a child who has diabetes? Are there limitations? Are there benefits? Are there advantages? I want you to consider the options? Consider the options of thinking that any future can be created.

What will it take to create that future? It will take a new way of thinking. It will take creating a future with new thoughts. That primitive brain will want you to create a future based on your past. How can you create anything new from the past? You can’t.

Explore what is possible. You will have to give up the thoughts about diabetes being so difficult. The past thoughts that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you and your family.

You will have to give up being a victim. Being a victim is easy. It’s easy to blame diabetes. If you want to take your life to a new level you have to challenge yourself. You have to be willing to transform your past thoughts about diabetes into new ones that serve you…new ones that are useful.

Would you like help finding out what you are truly capable of and discovering your potential even with a child who has diabetes? Would you like help discovering the possibilities of your life? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and NEW RESULTS

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes:

Today’s question: Do you do the same thing every day expecting different results?

I definitely have days that I know what my goal is and for some reason I expect to reach that goal by doing the same thing I did the day before. I realized I’m never going to reach a new goal without doing something new, something I’ve never done before.

Do you have goals you dream about but continue to expect to reach by just dreaming about it? Do you expect to reach it without being uncomfortable?

If your goal is one that takes effort, one that’s worth working on, then you’ll need a new thought pattern to obtain it. You’ll need to examine your thoughts in order to achieve that new result. Remember that thoughts come from circumstances. The circumstance is that your child had diabetes.

Circumstances are always neutral. Your child having diabetes is neutral. It only becomes negative (or positive) when you have a thought about it. Guess what???  The thought you have about diabetes is optional. You get to choose that thought.

Crazy, right? Your thoughts are optional. Thoughts are just sentences in your brain. Change the sentence and you can change the results in your life. You can achieve that goal but just changing your thoughts about it.

What helped me was every night for one month I wrote down one reason I was grateful for diabetes. At first it was difficult, but it was a non-negotiable for one month, so I did it every night.

I started out with sentences like, “I’m grateful for diabetes, because it’s not cancer.” I moved to thoughts like, “I’m grateful for diabetes because I get to spend more time with my son.” Then I continued to, “ I’m grateful for diabetes because I learned how to do hard things and be proud of myself.”

Just try it. Start tonight. One sentence. You can do it.

After one week start to repeat the sentence in the morning to yourself. Start believing your thoughts. Your child will one day be grateful that you’ve set an example of how to embrace diabetes and make it a positive circumstance. Show them how to make diabetes something that are in control of…instead of believing that diabetes can control them. 

You can change your life by being grateful about anything, not just diabetes. Just try it. Start being grateful for your mother-in-law, your sister-in-law, your coworker, or whoever you find difficult to love.

Would you like help achieving new goals? Would you like help with being grateful for diabetes or being grateful for those who are difficult to love in your life? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and FEAR

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes:

Today’s question: Does FEAR prevent you from taking action?

In our lives, especially as moms who have children with diabetes, we live with fear in our everyday life. Mostly, fear of lows and seizures but lots of other fears, too – fear of sleepovers, drinking when they turn 21, college, judgement, long term complications, and the list goes on.

However, fear generally prevents us from taking action.  Fear keeps us exactly where we are. FEAR is the reason we need courage. Courage doesn’t exist without fear.

Fear is defined as, “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.”  If fear is just an unpleasant emotion caused by a belief, we can get over that.

Most goals in life worth doing are going to put you in a place of uncomfortable emotions. Your brain would prefer Netflix and chill instead of face an unpleasant emotion. But…in order to accomplish goals you’re generally going to have to experience an emotion that’s uncomfortable.

What if you weren’t afraid of fear? Remember, we use our courage to create our capability, and we use our capability to create our confidence. The more capability we create, the more confidence we have.

If you don’t take the first step of building courage, you won’t ever be able to overcome the fear that is a natural part of being a human being.

If you aren’t experiencing fear and you’re not having to use courage, you aren’t asking enough of yourself. Having a child with diabetes can cause you to live in fear every day or you can use it to build up your courage and capabilities.

You get to decide what that fear does in your life. You get to decide if that fear stops you from taking action or empowers you to move forward.

As I follow @project50in50 – two T1Ds who are “conquering new heights with Type 1 Diabetes” to summit all 50 high peaks in the US in 50 days I am inspired by their courage and their ability to face their fears. Young men like Michael Shelver and Patrick Mertes are amazing mentors to our T1Ds and allow our children to face their fears and overcome them.

Would you like help taking control of the fear or help building up your capabilities and confidence with diabetes? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential, one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session

DIABETES and losing SELF-JUDGEMENT

Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes:

Today’s question: Is Self-Judgement part of your diabetes routine?

I’ve observed many moms who have a child with diabetes include self-judgement in their daily routine!  My clients all seem to have the same understanding, that if their child’s blood sugar numbers aren’t in range, it is their fault. It’s like blaming themselves will magically make things better.

There is no way blaming yourself will ever make anything better. There is no way that self-judgement makes your diabetes care any better.  Why do we as moms feel that blaming ourselves is ever the right thing to do?

I’ve contemplated that question for a long time. I used to be self-critical and self-judgmental about my diabetes care. That is until I was searching for answers as to why and found Brooke Castillo and The Life Coach School.  This is when I learned that fueling better blood sugar numbers through blame and judgement just doesn’t work.

However, fueling blood sugar numbers from a place of understanding, curiosity, and compassion always allows for better results and personal growth. It also allows for us to show ourselves what we are capable of…

As a mom you are capable of great things. Diabetes is just a circumstance in your life. It’s something that you didn’t plan for and something that can cause you to be overwhelmed, full of anxiety and truly exhausted.

However, learning the tools I now have can allow you to find a balance in your life that includes you taking control over the effect diabetes has on you and your family. If you embrace the life you have now and stop fighting it and hating it, you’ll find more happiness.

The reality is…if you stop hating diabetes you will have a clearer mind to take control of diabetes. Also your child watches your actions and if your actions show them they should hate diabetes, they will think they should.  It’s truly understandable to dislike diabetes but there is another option that leads to a better life.

Do I have days that I still get upset that diabetes is in my life? YES and YES! However, on those days I choose to be upset. I know that I have a choice on how I feel about diabetes. Diabetes doesn’t dictate to me, I dictate to diabetes.

It’s been a privilege and honor to work with clients this past year. I love the community and the work I do has created results in so many lives. If you want to learn some of the tools I have to stop the self-judgement and blame over blood sugar numbers, join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s personal and confidential one-on-one coaching.  Click here to schedule a free session