Welcome to all of my Moms who have T1D kids!
Today’s question is: Are you creating unnecessary problems for yourself by self-sabotaging?
What actually is self-sabotage? It is creating unnecessary problems for yourself that interfere with your goals. I know that I’m guilty of that. How about you? The issue is you might not even be aware of it. Awareness is the key. Most of my clients think that self-sabotage is a circumstance. Something they can’t control.
Self-sabotage is definitely something you can control.
The first thing to understand is that self-sabotage is a choice. It isn’t something that happens to you. It belongs in the action line of your model. If you haven’t read my blog about The Model (Bitter or Better) the basic premise is that Circumstances (neutral) trigger a Thought (positive or negative), which creates a feeling in us, which drives an Action and creates all of the Results in our life.
Thus self-sabotage is an action, which is driven by a feeling created by a thought. The action of self-sabotage stems from a thought and is totally optional.
Your higher level of thinking allows you to set goals and then commit to achieving them. If you’re like me, I used to set goals and then self-sabotage (interfere with achieving them) by procrastinating and buffering with false pleasures (check out False Pleasures Blog). False pleasures are opting for immediate gratification to avoid any discomfort, which creates a net negative effect in your life (overspending, overeating, over drinking, over Facebooking – if there is such a word?)
Have you gotten in the habit of self-sabotaging?
It’s easy to do since our brain’s wiring in primitive settings to seek pleasure and comfort. It’s easy to do with the pressures of caring for a T1D. Here are a few questions to help you know if you are self-sabotaging?
- Are you not planning for your future or owning it as your own property?
- Do you lack self-awareness in how you are thinking (thinking on default mode?)
- Are you past focused and using that to not more forward?
If your answer to the above questions point to you self-sabotaging. You’re not alone! Most of my clients do. It’s not because you are not capable or worthy of setting goals, achieving your dreams, or moving forward with your life. It’s just that once you start to self-sabotage it’s easier to continue to do it. It becomes a habit. It’s just a pattern that prevents you from achieving your goals.
You just need to deconstruct that thought process…and decide on purpose what you want to achieve.
It’s easy to think you need a break, that your life is difficult, and that you can’t manage one more thing in your day. I was there and it felt difficult, but now I know that pursuing goals that are big and empowering are uncomfortable and difficult, too.
However, when you live with purposeful decisions there is less unnecessary suffering.
I was causing my own suffering but now when I’m uncomfortable or afraid of failing…I know that choosing discomfort is better than living on default mode, living without courage. I realized I would rather do difficult that resulted in personal growth than difficult that resulted in a net negative in my life. You would never sabotage a friend who was wanting to achieve a goal.
Don’t consistently sabotage yourself! Commit to helping yourself achieve your goals. Create a small ritual every day to create momentum.
When you see that you are procrastinating or buffering, notice what feeling creates that action. Notice what thought creates that feeling. It’s important to be aware! Then after noticing you can create a new thought pattern that creates the results in your life that you’ve been wanting. New thoughts are always available to you.
Thoughts are just sentences in your head…they are optional and can be changed.
Want help breaking the habit of self-sabotage? Want help creating new thoughts that will drive you to better results in your life? Join me in a FREE 20 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s confidential one-on-one coaching. Click here to sign up for a free session.