Welcome to all of my Moms who have kiddos with diabetes
Today’s question is: Do you think you are a “successful parent” to your child who has diabetes?
When I was coaching someone last week I noticed that they were critical of their parenting ability. I asked, “What is your definition of a successful parent?” The reply was all based on the results their children achieved or they wish they achieved. What would your definition be?
The truth is that success can only be based on things that are within your control. Your children get to decide what parts of your parenting they listen to and what parts they don’t.
This is great news. It means that regardless of what your children do in this world, you get to choose how you think about your parenting ability. You can show up being the best mom you know how to and let the rest of the self-judgement go because…
When it comes to whether or not you are a good mom…you get to choose! Honestly, I’m a good mom because I think I’m a good mom.
I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in. Yes….you get to think any way you want about your parenting ability. It is not dependent on blood sugar numbers, your child’s A1C value, whether or not your child is happy, or any other condition that is outside of your control. You can’t control your child’s happiness.
The only thing you can do is to show up as a mom that makes YOU proud. Your child gets to show up as them.
I am not saying that you shouldn’t try to teach them how to be respectful, how to take care of themselves, how to eat healthy, how to be excited about learning, or the thousand other things you wish for your child. I am just saying that showing up as the best version of yourself is all that you need to do. That’s all you can do.
You cannot make your child do anything. You cannot make them happy. You cannot make them think a certain way. That’s the beauty of being human. They get to be them and you get to be you!
I’m not saying that you stop caring. I’m not saying that you don’t have consequences for actions or expectations for them. All I am saying is that you don’t tie all of your emotional well-being to what they choose to do with the knowledge you are trying to bestow on them.
To me: Accepting your child’s choice of path in this life is part of being a successful parent. Allowing them to take the knowledge you’ve instilled in them and interpret it in a way they believe is best for them.
My perspective has always been to be a good role model and to show them how diabetes is an opportunity for all of us to be stronger, happier, overcome obstacles, and be more present. It is important to me that they look to be of service to others for the greater good. They get to choose how they view diabetes in their life or if service to others is something they desire. I get to love them through it all without manipulating them so I get the result I want.
I get to show up and love them regardless of anything they choose. Regardless of blood sugar numbers or A1C…yes unconditional.
Success is not based on if they learn or accept what you teach them. Success is that you do the best you can to teach them. It’s showing them what self-love and self-care looks like. It’s being kind to yourself because they may someday remember to be kind to themselves or they might not. That’s up to them.
You get to choose what you value as a parent. What you want to teach your child. That’s the beauty of being human. There is not a right or wrong way to do this.
Ask, “What love would do?” and follow your heart unconditionally.
That’s total freedom – controlling what you can control! Remember to control your negative internal conversations about your parenting ability. That’s totally within your control.
Want to stop judging your parenting abilities? Want to start believing in yourself and your ability to manage a child with diabetes, unconditionally? Join me in a FREE 30 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s confidential one-on-one coaching. Click here to schedule a free session by going to Book Now.