Welcome to all of my Moms who have T1D kids!
Today’s question is: Does diabetes make someone in your life difficult to love?
When I think about unconditional love I think about the “honeymoon” phase of diabetes. It’s the stage right after your child is diagnosed. Not everyone experiences it, but it’s when some T1Ds “seem to get better” for a short period of time. My son went through a honeymoon phase. Looking back on it, it’s when the insulin need was minimal and his blood sugars were near normal with little effort.
The “honeymoon” phase was the easiest time for me to stay in unconditional love. Effort was minimal and love was abundant.
When the “honeymoon” phase of anything ends, it seems that unconditional love is more difficult. Taking care of blood sugars becomes more difficult and perhaps your child becomes more defiant.
At this point you get to DECIDE what you want to feel. Do you know that unconditional love is always available to you…it’s always an option?
When you decide not to love…you decide it on purpose. Whether it be your T1D child, husband, or mother-in-law you get to love them no matter what. Regardless of what they do…they can’t stop you from loving them and feeling love towards them..
You can be devasted if your husband stays at work and chooses not to come home at the time you want him to…or if he goes on a business trip while you’re home with the kids. Why is that so devastating? It’s devastating because of what you make it mean. Guess what? You still get to love him, if you want? Why not love? Love feels amazing. If you think loving him will somehow applaud his actions…you are wrong.
Loving him (or not loving him) is only a reflection of you and your thoughts. Nothing that anyone does or doesn’t do can deny you that feeling.
Struggling with your T1D son? Ask yourself how do you want to feel towards him? Do you want to feel love? Of course, you want to feel love. Why do you attach love to how they manage their diabetes? I’m sure you have lots of reasons and evidence that getting angry, frustrated, and upset will (maybe) help them see the importance of taking care of themselves. Giving your emotional power over to your child and choosing to experience negative emotion is what you are doing -whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Of all the available feelings to you…how do you want to feel?
Choose love for your sake, not for theirs. When you choose not to love you suffer the emotional effect of that. When you choose love you get the benefit of that love.
You can feel love for them on purpose all of the time regardless of what they do – that’s unconditional love!
Happiness is always found within you and it will go with you regardless of where you go. Your ability to be happy is never dependent on another person. Take responsibility for your own happiness – for how you feel.
You can go back to a time in your mind, before diabetes, and remember how easy it was…but now when it requires effort. You still have a choice.
You can also decide to be hurt, sad, frustrated and still love them. Love and the vulnerability that comes with the possibility of feeling that hurt is the ultimate gift you give yourself. It gives you the freedom to live with purpose and with intention.
Write down the reasons why you find them difficult to love…then ask yourself…What would it feel like to love them all of the time, no matter what? Then after you can do that…try and give yourself permission to LOVE YOURSELF all the time, no matter what.
Want to unconditionally love someone who is challenging for you to love? Want to learn how to love yourself unconditionally? Join me in a FREE 20 minute Exploration Coaching Session! It’s confidential one-on-one coaching. Click here to sign up for a free session.